laura (lauraangel) wrote,

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Everybody knows it hurts to grow up

This might be the hardest livejournal entry i've ever had to write. martin i'm going to try to say a few things for you but i don't know how well this will come out. from the day i've met you, you've always been someone special in my life. you came up to me and started touching my hair and telling me how much you loved curly hair. i had never even talked to you before that. you used to get mad everytime i straightened it. i remember once in my livejournal how your favorite memory of me was when you told god to give me curly hair before i was born. you never ceased to make me laugh, and no matter how rough things got you always knew what to say to make someone feel like they were going to make it through. and now we're even more lost than ever and you're not here to tell us it's okay. i know you're looking down and laughing at me and thinking, "laura you're so emo."  you were always there for all of my problems and you told me i only deserved the best. you truly believed it too because that was just the type of person you were, always wanting the best for all of your friends. nothing about you was unoriginal, from the way that you laughed, to your interests, to the girls you picked, to your personality,  to your talent, to the way you cared for people without any question. you were the type of person that challenged me to look at my life and be a better person. we were supposed to go to a concert last weekend together and you wrote about how excited you were about it because you had missed me all summer. i would trade anything in the world to see you one last time, to go to that concert with you. i wish i could have seen you one last time, but i know that i am lucky to have even spent one hour with you. we used to laugh so much together and i think i'll miss that the most. everyone keeps talking about your sense of humor and the way you would light up a room. unless someone had met you they wouldn't understand it. you were so "martin" and there's no other way to describe you. sensitive, creative, and kind right? i joked around with you about picking those traits for youself in psychology but they were true. you hugged me that day i was crying when it felt like nothing was right and told me you would put me in your bosom. and that day in bolton we laughed about jamie and the thong joke, the bag of popcorn,  freud, and the day you came in my room during finals and we said we were going to study but just spent the whole time laughing. you and i would complain about our lives sucking and that all seems so trivial now b/c you're not here. we talked about all the things we wanted to do with our life. you'll never get the chance to do all the things you had dreamed of and that just kills me. i'm going to try hard martin to go after mine because i know that would make you happy. it makes me feel so good that you are up there watching down on me and you know how much you were loved. i think they need a new wall on facebook for you b/c yours is completely filled up. you touched so many people that i just have to feel blessed that i was one of them. i keep listening to still fighting by ben folds b/c we always listened to that together. i'm crying so much now that i don't think i can write much more without babbling on. you will always be my martini and i will always love you and i hope you knew that. i'm sorry i didn't say more how much you meant to me, every single day i knew you.



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