why do i do this to myself? i'm kinda in blah stage in my life right now. nothings really wrong exactly, but then again nothings exactly right. i know i tend to live in the past too much, always punishing myself for the mistakes i've made. i guess we've all made a few....or in some cases a few more than a few. these past two weeks have been really strange. interesting but definately unique. i've changed my opinion about a lot of things and a few ppl. i know most ppl who are my age spend all their time having fun and partying. trust me i've done a lot of that in the past two weeks...maybe i had a little too much fun at times :). but still i guess i'm always looking for more in my life. i want to live my life in a martin way. i can't think of any other way to describe it other than that. i thank god everyday for my friends and family and i doubt i say that enough. i don't even know whats on my mind. lol so i'm giving up for tonight. maybe some other time i can put all my thoughts together.