January 31st, 2006

happy birthday martin

i read your facebook wall today, and just about everyone who goes to uga seemed to have commented. you've been gone since july, yet nothing has changed. we are still missing you each and every day. i miss you so much that i don't even feel like there is an adjective to describe the way i feel. i keep going everyday, the world hasn't stopped, but it's not the same and it never will be. without you here, everything is a duller, lifeless, depressing... i know you're sitting around in heaven wondering why we are all so "emo" as you would call it. i keep thinking that i will see you, that you will pop out right by the psychology building and walk me to class. I keep thinking you will be here tonight, and we will all brave the snow to walk downtown only to find amicis is closed. but you won't be here, and that's the hardest part to accept. maybe i'm selfish and i just want you to be here for me, but i can't help it. i hope you see how much we loved you, i hope you know that each and every day. i would give anything to walk down hall 7d and here your laugh again, to hear you talk about the girl with the perfect curly hair, or to relive that night when you were in a christmas carol. that night was perfect, you were perfect. you were never afraid to be you, even if people didn't like it. you were loud, funny, and out there for the wolrd to see. we all bugged you about it at the time but now it's what we miss the most. if only i could hear the brick joke one more time. i try to tell people, but it's just not funny when i tell it. the thing i think i respected the most about you was the way you loved people. you loved with all of your heart, never worrying if that love was not returned. you never asked if we deserved it, and i regret everyday not telling you how much i loved you. you were the type of friend that people only dream of. you would give anything to help others, to make us smile. and i wouldn't trade those memories with you for anything in this entire world. you made me realize that there are still people out there who live like each day is their last, who bring the upmost joy to others. just getting to know you for one year was an experience i will never forget, always cherish, and hold close to my heart. you are where you were truly meant to be now, and this gives me comfort though the long nights. for now you are what you were to me on earth, an angel. i love you martini.
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